The White iPhone 4

The White iPhone 4

Thursday, June 17, 2010

GadgetCrave Has a Strange Idea of Sexy

So just for fun, I clicked on one of those "Droid X is Way Better Than iPhone Because I'm an Idiot" stories, and what I saw there nearly made me squirt milk out of my nose from a 1995 school cafeteria meal.  What was so funny?

The article said, and I quote, "Yesterday, Engadget got a few paws on the upcoming Motorola Droid X, and it looks like it could be even sexier than the elusive white iPhone."  EnGadget, now operating from a prison cell, managed to smuggle in a Droid X prototype to review.  But the sickos over at GadgetCrave have kidnapped EnGadget's article and done some stuff to it EnGadget wouldn't like.  Sound the Amber Alert, because their reasons why Droid X is sexier than a white iPhone 4 are creepy as hell.

Reason 1: "To start with, the thing looks absolutely monstrous, and that’s because it features a 4.4-inch screen with 854 x 480 res, pushing the bar dangerously close to tablet/smartbook territory."

Let's take a look at that rationale there.  It's sexier than the white iPhone 4 because it's monstrous.  OH!  Ok, that makes sense!  If you think monsters are sexy.


On the upside, stuffing what is essentially a TC* in your pants has some advantages.  Namely, you look very happy to see just about everyone you meet.

Reason 2: "It packs 1GHz worth of ARM v7 power under the hood and offers an 8-megapixel camera with 720p recording."

This statement boggles the mind.  It's sexier than the white iPhone because of what's inside it?  What are you, GadgetCrave, a serial killer?  That would be like saying Johnny Depp is sexy because of how efficiently his digestive system works, or Megan Fox is sexy because she has such awesome eyesight.

Show me your appendix, baby!

 Reason 3: "It also brings a multitouch keyboard that allows you to simultaneously hit two keys at once."

Gramatical redundancy aside, why is this sexy?  I can't think of a single aesthetically pleasing thing one can do by finger-mashing a keyboard.  Reading typing errors in messages gets you feeling randy?  Hitting A and S at the same time with your thumb to see which one shows up on the screen first is foreplay?  You, my friend, need a psychotherapist.  Then again:

Slow down, you're hurting me!

So it would seem GadgetCrave has a thing for cutting open monsters and administering double-fisted smacks to the poor creatures' oh-so-sexy insidey-parts.  Is Droid X hotter than a white iPhone?  No.  Should Motorola install a permanent rape whistle app into Droid X after giving it to EnGadget?  Probably.

The GadgetCrave article is here, and the original EnGadget article here.

Hint: Reading the EnGadget article after reading this one makes the EnGadget one seem dirty.

*TC = Tablet Computer.  I said it first.

1 comment:

  1. Great Blog. I've enjoyed the read so far, especially the GadgetCrave has a strange idea of sexy article. I'm sure Apple is prepared to release some white iphone 4's ready for the June 24th release. Why the silence? This is typical of a large company, namely Apple, to gain what I believe is a market advantage. You can call it whatever you will, however you'll never convince me that Apple is not already sitting on over a million plus White iphone 4's. Even if there were an issue with them, Apple would do exactly what they and every retailer has done before them, release the product & fix whatever comes back. Big business will never take the gamble that its more profitable to recall before there's even a release, it would cost billions, and you can take that to the bank, the bank of Apple Inc.